Reminiscing

I didn't feel like going to the mall today and decided to just stay home and get some more chores done. I did make my list of things to pick up but I can do that after work one day as there's nothing I need immediately. Part of the reason I had wanted to go was to check out some spring clothes but I'm not feeling it today.

The forecast said it'd be pretty nice today and around +16 so I decided to head for a walk in the morning when it was closer to +5. I'm not crazy about working out in warm/hot weather and prefer it cooler. In the summer when it hits +20-+30 I can be found in the air conditioned gym.

Today it was:
316 calories burned/ 5.2K/ 51min55sec/Pace 9:59-6:06. It's a lower point day for me so 3 APs is great.

I was looking for something else when I came across a few old 3 month WW trackers and an old weigh in card from last time I did meetings. For the entire 12 weeks my weight was 172-178, I flipped through the journals and they would be incomplete. I don't know what was going through my head at the time but I do remember hitting 168 and then slowly increasing from there week to week. I stopped going to meetings when my life got more complicated and I was a disillusioned with WW. I did switch to WW online but that didn't help which brought me to re-joining meetings 8lbs below my original start weight of 204.

I realize now it wasn't WW it was how I was following the program or rather not following the program. I don't know if it was just pure laziness or I was scared of never reaching goal or scared of reaching goal. I've always been the funny chubby one and kind of got used to people not having great expectations of me.

Somehow that's been shifting over the while. I'm more concerned with my expectations of me not others. Well that's not entirely true as now it irritates me when I think someone doesn't think I can achieve something. I want to be what a part of me has always thought they could be.

I just finished a 3 month tracker that with the exception of 3 days is completely filled out - the 3 days I was out of town and forgot the tracker. I have 12 weeks of weigh ins where you can see a downward trend.

Of course my true test will be when I hit 168 again and how I deal with that.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately that have mentioned being upset with thinking they've let their readers down. I read your blogs and I have no such expectations. I will celebrate your successes and probably learn something about myself in the slip ups. I don't believe for a minute that it's a reasonable expectation to be perfect at this weight loss thing. I do completely believe we will all be successful when we're ready. Ready being the operative word. I admire you're honesty when you post about the slip ups that makes you human my friends.

I never started this blog to be read by other people not at first anyway. It was more a way to share my thoughts with the wide world but still retain anonymity. Just typing it into a journal on my computer didn't have the same pull. I'm vague about the specifics i.e. name because I work with loads of people plus deal with loads of people and don't necessarily want all those people finding this blog. The fact that googling my name just brings up my amazon wish list is a strange comfort.

Now I have 59 people following me some of you know me in real life most of you don't - which I find kind of awesome I don't know how you found me but perhaps you feel some sort of kinship with me - which is also very awesome.

I guess what I'm trying to say in all this is I want you to believe in yourself and thank you for supporting me.

Heading off to site super early tomorrow not sure if I'll be blogging Monday but we'll see.

Hugs!!!!!!