Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Being at home is hard

I had my deep think (which took longer than I probably declared on here) on what leads me astray. I felt positive to get back on track and thought being at home would help get back in gear.

The polar opposite is happening.

I didn't realize how at one I've become with the rhythm of site.

Yesterday  I had all day meeting with amazing food. I had breakfast at home. I got to the meeting and there were mini pecan danishes (don't have those at site) so I had one of those and a mini cherry danish. I had brought a big bottle of water with me but that didn't make an appearance until later in the day.

Lunch was provided which was a beautiful salad, roasted veggie salad, pasta and sausage plus some super cute mini desserts.

Then I went out to dinner. I'm in the city I can go out for dinner - even though I had food at home to prepare dinner but it was a long day and I didn't want to go home and cook. It was just bad decision followed by bad decision.

So that"s why I declared yesterday a disaster.

Today I tried again. I had breakfast at home and had planned on a small chili and side salad for lunch. I still had that but I saw the new half size Garden Sensation salads. I know they're evil but for some reason I thought a half one wasn't so bad. I should have stuck to the side salad.

I could have stopped there.

I had to go to yogen fruz it's been 6 months since I had yogen fruz.

It's completely ridiculous behaviour. I feel out of sorts being back in the city.

At site there are temptations but there are far more temptations here. By the time I get home on Thursday night I'm one day from weigh in so I can keep myself in check. All these days at home in a row is a little overwhelming.

I haven't made it the gym once because it's not as easy as site or on my days off.

I didn't really think it would be this hard so I'm not prepared.

All is not lost by any sense of the imagination. I can turn it around. Of couse I'm turning it around right when I have two days in an all day meeting. I can do this.

Earlier today I read a blog on my phone of someone who was posting again after being away for awhile and finding themselves having gained back weight. They questioned if they should continue blogging and felt bad about posting what they perceive as failure.

When I read that my heart broke a little and I thought you owe no accountability to me as your reader. I know when I started this blog it wasn't for anyone it was an outlet for me. I'm not paid for this and I'm not a motivational speaker. I found as the followers increased that I didn't want to come on here and talk about a miss step. Today I realized why not. We will all have miss steps and backward slides. The most important part is dusting yourself off and trying again.

It's when I completely stop trying and completely given up is when I've failed myself. The only person I am accountable to is me. There's no reason not to share that I'm human and I make mistakes. I will learn from these mistakes and be a stronger person for it.

I'm not giving up so if you're having a difficult moment I hope you don't either.

We get what we put in. I put in less than a good effort then I will not see results.

Enough said.


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