Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I'm not afraid

Hello my friends,

Well my whirlwind trip across Northern Alberta went well. I survived 4 hours in a car (round trip) and we had a fabulous dinner (not point friendly at all).

I've been having a myriad of thoughts lately. I had an aha moment at work that resulted in feelings of disappointment. You see something has been promised to me mulitple times and I'm finally seeing that I think I've been lied to. Perhaps not intentionally but it drives me bonkers when people make promises they can't keep. Don't do it unless you can follow through is my motto.

So of course food followed in a bit of a downward spiral but I got home today by just after 5pm instead of 7:30pm. I had dinner which was a romp through the kitchen i.e. cereal, laughing cow cheese, rice pudding, fish crackers and a granola bar but instead of plopping myself on the couch I headed outside.

57:05/ 6.89km/ 398 calories burned/ 8:17-5:22 pace/ HR 186-159

Tonight I ran. I didn't follow any kind of interval. I ran for as long as I could then I walked to recover and then I ran again. The one thing I'm actually liking about the running intervals is that it completely clears my head.

As I was wrapping up Eminem came on my Ipod with his new song "I'm not afraid". I heard snippets of this song so I downloaded it off of Itunes.

There are two chunks of lyrics that really really speak to me.

The first chunk:

"I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road"

This part hit home after reading a few of your blogs and how we're getting really frustrated with self sabotage, lacking effort and letting ourselves down. I realize Eminem is not talking about food with this verse but the message can cover a few things.
I think it's important to remember we're not alone we all struggle with this. If weightloss were easy it wouldn't be a multi billion dollar industry. Results and goals can be realized we just can't give up.

The second chunk:

"And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now"

This part spoke to me not just about getting back on track weightloss wise. This part spoke to me in regards to my dejected feelings over the past few days. In some ways I'm a true Gemini. One side of me completely believes I'm strong, I can accomplish anything and nothing can defeat me. Then there's the other side that feels like a fraud and not quite good enough and destined to fail. This verse triggered thoughts like: screw you, if you can't recognize my capabilities and why I'm a superstar it's your loss - this was aimed at the false promise people I mentioned above and my own self doubt.

I'm done pinning hopes on others or letting myself get in my way. My slate is clean "Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon" (also curtesy of "I'm not afraid").

So thank you for this song Eminem.

I hope you all had a great past few days.


No comments: