Friday, November 29, 2013

Day 26 - 28 Fun, remorse and a head shake

Let me start by wishing all my American friends a belated and very Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all had an amazing day and spent it how you wished.

Wednesday night I went to Twas’ the Night a special shopping event in the downtown mall named The Core.

My friend L and I went. First we stopped for dinner at a fabulous pub, where I had chicken fingers and fries and 2 Vodka Diet cokes...more on that later. Then I needed a bank machine so I took her through the myriad of Plus 15 (above ground indoor bridges that link buildings) which brought us to Bankers Hall which also let us see my hands down favourite Christmas decoration in any mall on earth.

Aren’t the lights incredible? It’s truly magical when it snows as the ceiling is all glass so you look up into the lights and see snow falling. Well no snow yesterday but still magical.

We ventured over to the Core which is attached to get Yogen Fruz for dessert where we stumbled upon the members of the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra and the Choir warming up. In a word – incredible.

At lunch time a few of us went to a local church to hear some company choirs including my company perform. I had no idea we had a choir. We thought they were great and then we heard the CPO choir...wowsers.

I then saw the dogs. I love dogs and practically vibrate when I see one. Pretty unusual to see dogs in the mall but they were there as part of Pals, which is an organization that takes their incredibly calm and well behaved dogs to help people in crisis. There was a golden retriever, a beagle, a greyhound then the Newfoundlander arrived – this dog is massive and reminds me of a bear. He came to above my hip and I’m 5’4. Had he stood up he would be taller than me.

I asked the owner how much he weighed she said 165-175 pounds. I said I bet he thinks he’s a lap dog. She conquered.

Then Santa lit the massive Christmas tree in the mall and there were indoor fireworks – craziness blew my mind as I’ve never seen that before.

Then Jann Arden took the stage and sang 4 songs, she did two of my absolute favourites “Insensitive” and “Good Mother”. She is really funny too if you’ve never seen her live. Truly awesome experience when a few hundred people sing along especially in the chorus of Insensitive.

I’m super happy we went for dinner as the line ups for food samples were insane. One of the things I love about the downtown mall as that it has 4 floors so even though a gob of people can be in there it never feels crowded like a one or two level mall.

Now this leads me to remorse as of course I wasn’t at the gym on Wednesday but I never made it there once this week. The pub dinner of chicken fingers wasn't  the brightest idea so when I stepped on the scale Thursday morning it was a downright scary number. Now flashback to Monday were I was super jazzed about the number, so much changes in a week. Now the thing is today was no better, tracking hit the skids. I'm just completely fallen off the wagon and I think it was due to a stressful work week and Christmas starting to really hit me. 

I'm wondering if I was pushing myself a little with getting all into Christmas, while parts of it feel good it also feels a little weird. I created a Christmas music playlist as I do love Christmas music and on the walk home from the train station today I started to tear up listing to "I'll be home for Christmas". That has always been one of my favourite songs but today it hit me in a totally new way. I'm even tearing up writing about it. 

That leads me to the things people have been saying to me lately. One friend thought I would be feeling conflicted about going away for Christmas. I'm not conflicted. The fact is I have no family in Canada and I'm completely on my own. Why would I stay home and mope plus probably emotionally eat my way through the holidays. Then someone else said if I changed my mind I could spend the time with them in Fort McMurray. I've paid for this trip I'm going and no offense to Fort McMurray but I'm not keen on spending Christmas in -30C which is actually -41C with windchill which for my American friends is -41F. 

Now that brings me to weigh in tomorrow where I will most certainly see a gain and then that caused my head to spin. My instinct is to skip and bury my head in the sand. My logical brain says go and face the number, it's a number and a fresh start to the week. I probably need a meeting. So I'm going and that's final. 

I need to look up, put one foot in front of the other and most importantly  believe in myself 

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