Sunday, June 16, 2013

Goodbye Daddy

I don't even know why I'm blogging today. I just had the need to get this day down.

My father died today, Father's Day will never mean the same thing to me again. He passed in the early hours of the morning.

I talked to him everyday. On Tuesday he was telling me he didn't feel well. I said you should go to the doctor but my father was stubborn and doesn't trust doctors. I talked to him on Wed -he seemed better, Thurs he said the same and Fri he said to stop bothering him and wanted to back to bed. I thought he was describing food poisoning. The way he was on Friday really worried me. I waited on Saturday hoping I'd hear he's feeling better.

I had a progressively bad feeling. On Saturday he never answered the phone. So today I rented a car for the first time in my life, drove for the first time in 4 years to get to my Dad's house. I couldn't get into the house it was locked down like Fort Knox. For the first time in my life I dialed 911. The fire department, EMS and RCMP came. They found him on the floor in his room. I couldn't go into the house. I wanted to remember him the way I last saw him. I did have to ID the body and he looked liked he was napping like he always did in his recliner. They asked me questions, they took his medications, he would now be in the Medical Examiner's office in Calgary.

His house is a mess that I can't deal with right now.

He was 90 years old. I know he's at peace now and no more aches and pains. He always told me never get old. He died where wanted to. No matter how many times I brought up moving in with me or closer to home it was put off or maybe next year. I got a visit from Victim Services the most huggable women you've ever met. One of them said something profound. He died where he wanted. Had I swooped in and made him go to the doctor he would have been miserable. They're right.

One of his good friends called so I told her the news. A neighbor dropped by to make sure all was ok after the slew of emergency vehicles outside the gate.

Tonight I spend the night at his house. Then I start the incredible paper process when someone passes.

And I begin the grieving process. Tonight it's just tears and memories

12 comments:

Enz said...

I am so sorry. My father passed away in April. Its so hard. Take the time you need. Theres no rules or timelines for grieving.
Hugs.

Debsdailylife said...

So very sorry for your loss!!! Thots and prayers as you celebrate his life, and as you mourn.

louiserun said...

My words won't fill your void. But he did die under his own terms..Growing old in a seniors home is not for everyone and being incapacitated is not what anyone wants. You were lucky to have the opportunity to speak to him every day and spend time with him. We all want our parents to grow old with ourselves and no change can happen unless it happens to all of us together..But that is not the way it happens. Your Dad will always be in your heart and you will carry him and your Mom with you every hour of the days to come.

Nancy said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. May he rest in peace!

mostlyforward said...

OMG Sylvia that is terrible, I am so sorry to read your post. What a horrible thing to have to go through and on Father's Day of all days. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that in the days and weeks to come you can find some peace.

mostlyforward said...

This comment may come through twice, but I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you today and in the difficult days ahead. I am so sorry to read what happened to you and to your father. I'm so glad though that you followed your instincts and went to him though. The days to come will not be easy but I am praying for you and yours. You are in my thoughts.

BabyWeightMyFatAss said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Lots of virtual * hugs *

Leanne said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.


((hugs)))

Unknown said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Carol said...

I am so sorry to hear the news. It's rough when us little girls lose our daddy's. It will be hard, but always remember what you listed...he died where he wanted to and he was happy. That's all that matters.

Hugs and my thoughts are with you.

Julia said...

Dear friend, I am so deeply sorry about your father. May the Lord comfort your heart as only He can do.

Patty said...

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Please know I am thinking of you and if you need anything please let me know. Your dad passed on the 16th month anniversary of my dad. Father's day was bittersweet. Sending lots of hugs. xoxo