Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The fog is lifting

This week I had my last appointment with my individual grief counsellor, she’s off to a new opportunity. She offered to transfer my file to someone else but after I finish group counselling next week I think I’ll see how it goes.


She did say she saw a change in me and that I seemed well lighter and brighter. I did feel a shift in the past week. For the longest time it felt like my personality was on mute and I was in a fog. The fog feels like it’s lifting, not gone but not lost in it.


While last week was nuts I think the remembering the funny stuff about my Dad at memento night was the key and then the inspirational key note speaker at the conference when he talked about the effects of positive actions and thoughts to the ratio of negative thoughts and actions.


Dr. John Izzo who was the key note on day 2 and I had the opportunity to introduce him for his follow up session wrote a book called “The five secrets you must discover before you die”, morbid title but not morbid book. He interviewed 200 people between the ages of 60 and 160 that were identified by family, friends and acquaintances as “the one person who found happiness and meaning”. They started with over 10,000 recommendations and narrowed it down to 200 based on pre-interviews.


The people he interviewed are from all types of backgrounds like barbers to CEOs, men and women, immigrants and native people.


I read half of it while waiting for group to start last night.


He asks things like:

What brought you the greatest happiness?

What do you wish you learned sooner?


There are funny parts and moving parts I’m really glad I bought it as I think it’s something I’ll go back to again and again.


The other giant aha shift in the last week is I decided to buy a car. Now I got my learner’s when I was 16, my license at 25 as that was when my Dad got sick and it became more of a priority to know how to drive. I have never owned a vehicle before. It was never a priority. In fact I’ve never felt the burning need to own a car. I drove Dad’s vehicles and of course more recently been renting.


As I thought about soon I’d be going up to his house for a week and rent again, I stopped and thought why rent again? If I buy I don’t need to worry about when I leave or when I come back or filling the tank before returning and etc.


I’m thinking more and more of getting a dog.


I kept saying well I’ll wait for the estate to be settledbefore looking for a vehicle. A big part of my delay was I had planned to buy but it was something that Dad and I would do together.


I did say in group last night that it’s probably best we didn’t do it together as he’d probably think some of the features I want are not necessary J I remember telling Dad his next car should have power steering. His was response what for. Then he had a car with power steering and noticed the difference.


I’ve been researching it for a while so I know what I want so on Saturday I’m going to see a dealer. I found a google+ review that highly recommended this one dealer so I emailed him (contact info was on the dealership website) and asked if he worked Saturdays. He responded saying he works this Saturday.


Yesterday I called my insurance folks to start looking at options and if bundling with my house insurance really gets me a better deal.


Thought about getting a personalized plate based on my Dad’s plate number but I can’t justify the $150 to Dad or myself. I do have an art project plan for his old plates.


So will I leave a vehicle owner on Saturday? Maybeand maybe not, we will see how it goes. I will walk away if the deal doesn’t feel right.


I have been asking for people’s advice and it’s kind of funny about what’s important to people. Like:


Make sure you play it cool– Make sure you say what you want


Don’t let them talk you into undercoating or paint protector


You should get a sunroof- But I don’t want a sunroof….what?


Definitely get the navigation system – don’t get the navigation system Garmin works just fine


and it goes on.


Kind of like asking people what’s the best pizza, we all have our own convictions.


Last night we got coated in a nice layer of ice and itsrain/snow ice so thicker. I’m standing at the shuttle bus stop this morning with my bus buddies and said I wonder how bad it will be today with lots of people having removed their snow tires. This prompted the discussion on when should you take off your snowtires….the consensus after May long weekend (which is Victoria Day in Canada – roughly 3rd week of May) that is also my rule for planting flowers as we usually get some sort of killing frost before May long weekend.


I have noticed the tulips I hastily planted in fall are starting to pop up, though I think this continuous snow confuses them and the rest of us.


Hope your week is going well.





1 comment:

Enz said...

I think buying a car is a sign that you're accepting you are moving forward in your life and it's a good sign!!!

We woke up to snow yesterday as well and most of it is melted now and tomorrow will be 17C. That's PLUS 17C.