Wednesday, March 26, 2014

2014 Races locked & loaded

The 2014 Race season is locked in.


Oy vey, I signed up for the Avengers Half and Super Heroes 5K today which are the newest races in the Run Disney arsenal and happening at Disneyland. This will mean I’ll do Wine and Dine in Disney World the weekend of  November 8&9, that’s a 5K in the morning and the Half at night (10pm start time EST) then following weekend I’ll make my way to Disneyland for the Avenger Super Heroes weekend.


As I’m now 100% sure Dopey (5K, 10K, Half and Full consecutive days at Disney World) is not happening this year I’m now looking back thinking I’m ok with that.


I’ve done and will do more races this year than I’ve ever done before.


The crazy amount of trips to the US this year was fueled by grief and a need to have something to look forward to. I certainly don’t expect to do this again next year and instead choose travel races more carefully.


Never say never though, when I did a marathon in 2006 I swore I’d never do one again and now I find myself contemplating doing one again. Actually I think doing another marathon before Dopey might be a better idea for me.


Will I ever do Dopey, who knows?


Life is funny, recently a past friend suggested dinner. I say past friend as we drifted apart and have less in common than we did before in fact when we last met I got the distinct impression that the friendship had shifted. I take responsibility for that too as I didn’t really put in a whole lot of effort to keep in touch over the years. I said yes but then she was sick so we cancelled. Time passed and I suggested it again butshe cancelled again and I honestly feel it was for the best. I won’t attempt again. I wish her all the best.


I don’t think all friendships last a lifetime when they do it’s amazing but sometimes friends are just there for a period of your life because that’s the way it was supposed to be and that’s ok too.


As I get older I realize that friendships are only good when they’re mutually beneficial as in you feed each other’s positive energy, there’s nothing wrong with friendships morphing into acquaintances. With every new experience we meet new people who support where our life is at that moment.


Grief Group Support meeting #2 was Tuesday night and while I go to this with a feeling with dread I’m always happy when I went afterwards.


It looked like we were down at least 5-6 people. This time we watched a video about losing a parent. One of the people who were talking in the video lost their father to dementia. Whoa I wasn’t expecting that as that’s how I lost my mother almost 12 years ago. She talked about the feeling of relief when they pass as the person is no longer suffering, yup I felt that. She said something I never thought about before that the grieving process starts as you lose the person with dementia. The woman who died 12 years ago wasn’t my mother; she was a shell of my mother. My mother the person I knew left a few years before the corporal being. It felt like yesterday watching that video.


They asked us how the week went so I told them how I went to Canadian Tire on Saturday and felt weird in the store. My Dad and I always went to that Canadian Tire together starting when I was super young. I just felt off the whole time I was in the store and in the end didn’t have what I was looking for anyway.


We got divided into smaller groups for one part, you guessed it I got the kid I thought was annoying day one and the guy who talks forever. It was an opportunity to go deeper into our stories


You know I see the kid (in their 20s) in a whole new light, when I was their age my dog died and I thought that was traumatic. I can’t even imagine losing one of my parents at that age.


With the other guy I think I caused an aha moment. There was a lot of talk how the older generation especially European immigrants deal with grief by not talking about it. Certainly that was how my Dad dealt with it when his brother died and my mom died. I totally understand that part but this was talk about how they were going to make them talk and deal with it.


This inspired me to say “have you ever heard the saying you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”.


I then said when my Dad died the last thing I wanted was to talk about it or see people or interact face to face with anyone. I had to process it internally. I write about it more on here as to me it feels safe and it’s not a two way conversation. When I’m ready to talk, I’ll talk and now by going to counselling I’m ready to talk.


At the end we all go along around the room to say what we thought about that session and that’s how I think I caused a wee aha moment.


I really liked the smaller session as it allowed me get to know my group members better and also realize though our circumstances are different there are a lot of similarities in how we feel.


My aha moments were that I now know I have unresolved feelings about when Mom passed and that doing this grief counselling is probably one of the best decisions I ever made.


Next week the topic is the different types of grief process.


I always find I’m exhausted after these sessions and super tired the next day. Today I left the gym bag at home and will do yoga tonight and probably revisit the meditation DVD, and be in bed early.


To switch to happier news I’m so proud of my WW Fit Group who are virtually walking across Canada. We started in Victoria and blew right past Nanaimo now on our way to Hope, BC. With 6 people reporting we did 166 km. I’m really looking forward to Saturday and posting the map and using a sharpie to track our progress.


What doesn’t kill you make you stronger.


1 comment:

Enz said...

I love that race season is back and the weather is cooperating!

I did the Around the Bay 5K on Sunday and loved it! I won't be able to do as many right now until I am gainfully employed again - but its fun to look them all up and decide which ones I want to do.

You should come out to Hamilton next year and do the 30K Around the Bay. It's the oldest road race in Canada and we meet!!!