Self Perception

Two weeks since I last posted...that is a little unlike me.

However it's been awhile since I felt like me, months in fact ever since my father passed away. I am reconciling with the new me, the me who is on their own in this world. Surrounded by friends don't get me wrong, but any remaining family lives in another country and we have never been nor will be close.

I'm still thinking about the Reinvention I blogged about last time, that's part of the reconciliation.

It's funny the other day at work I was dressed like this.

Note the snazzy zipper on the top.  I was feeling good and thought I looked sharp.

I was wearing these boots.

A colleague told me I had swagger that day and was a bit of rocker. What I did notice was the amount of attention I got. Normally I'm oblivious to that sort of thing but I noticed I got a lot more attention from men.

I think that had to do with the swagger.

Later in the week I'm walking in a plus 15 system and I see my reflection in the mirror and I saw myself as a blob, not to mention the video conference I was in and of course one part of the screen shows your room. There was the blob.

Isn't self perception funny and a self fulfilling prophecy. When you believe in yourself and feel good about yourself some amazing things happen to your aura.

That's the essence of my reconciliation/ reinvention.

I'm starting to feel like I'm a bit back into my regular routine and getting myself back together. The training for half marathons helps as it forces me to stick to a schedule. The first few weeks haven't been perfect but I'm getting there.

I was shopping with a friend today and we talked about journals, she admitted to buying them then partially fill them out. I not long ago tossed about 15 journals I had started and never finished. Vowing that the one I have now is the one I stick with until it's finished. So far so good and that started months ago.

I'm putting the pieces together again, slowly but surely.

Hugs!!!

Reinvention

I'm not sure where the week went, I can't say it was a particularly great week as I was letting a lot of things bug me.  Which annoys me that I let these things bug me.

I'm still adjusting to the new job and find myself missing the old one a lot. In fact this week I ran into a lot of people from the old job and even got a few hugs which was super nice but at the same time probably escalated the missing.

A project I was super looking forward to in the old job is now starting off without me. Yeah that put me in the dumps a little.

On a good note I have tracked for a total of 5 days which is a new record and I've also been tracking on My Fitness Pal to see the breakdown of macronutrients i.e Fat, Carbs, Fibre and Protein. Now the extra special fact that I've tracked 5 days in a row is that they were doozy of days. I tracked absolutely everything no omissions whatsoever.

You know what I really like about the My Fitness Pal app is the ability to scan bar codes. The American WW has an app that does that but the Canadian WW does not. I might keep up the double tracking for a while.

I was reading Facebook this morning and the amazing Suzi Storm posted a YouTube link to an Acura commercial but it wasn't about the commercial, she was referencing what they say in the commercial and that got  my attention. Here it is and I've edited a little.

Reinvention isn't something man discovers, it's something he creates.
The ability to push ego aside and begin again.
That is the inspiration behind my re-creation.
My soul reimagined.

I have definitely been all up in my ego and focusing on the negative. I'm turning that around. I might even dust off some Eckhart Tolle.

The ironic thing about this is that cute country neighbour I was talking about before who I would now call a friend has become a project for me. I think I'm a project for him as well. As I said before he's going through a divorce so I think helping me with Dad's house is helping to distract him. Meanwhile his lack of self esteem and sense of self worth has become my project to help him realize he's surrounded by blessings. Apparently I'm helping which does make me feel good but I need to practice what I preach.

I'm focusing on reinvention.

I've tracked today again and this time stayed on plan.
I've also taken my vitamins for 6 days in a row.
I finally cooked again, I haven't really cooked anything since my Dad died living mostly on eating out or cheese and crackers. I made turkey chili and tomorrow I will make egg muffins so I can have protein for breakfast.
I bought 110 tulip bulbs today that I will plant tomorrow. My flower beds have been bare all summer as right before my Dad passed we had planned to do planting. After he died the flower beds made me sad. I will have flowers next spring and I will try to foster the green thumb that's hopefully buried in my genetics somewhere.

I start training for the Tinker Bell 10 K and Half Marathon next week. I dusted off the Dumbo Double Dare training and adjusted the dates.

I signed up for the Halloween Howl 10K on October 26th and opted for the timed version of the race as this is my chance to get a better time and a better corral for Tinker Bell.

I've decided my costume will be Halloween Minnie.

I have the ears

I ordered this skirt from Sparkle Athletic. It's not orange which I was hoping for but I think Gold will do.

I picked up 89 cent white mittens at Walmart today.

Already own black technical tops, so apart for something under the skirt pending the weather I'm good to go for now.

Let the reinvention begin and keep going.

Tough Day

On Saturday I headed out to Bergen to bury my Father's urn.

I don't know if I was dreading this day or seeking some sort of closure with this day.

My normal car rental place was out of vehicles so I used Avis this time. It's easiest for me to pick up cars in the downtown area so that's the location I rented from.

Now to get downtown I can take the c-train but this time I tried Cars2Go for the first time. They're smart cars parked all over the city and your membership card opens the door and pretty much off you go. They have an app that shows you the cars in your area so Saturday morning I reserved the closest one. You can reserve for 30 min. You can't take them outside of the city.

It's a fun little car but the challenge is where you can park it downtown, the navigation system can tell you where the safe spots to park are so I used that and ended my trip close to the Avis location.

The rental process at Avis was different then Enterprise as all the Avis cars are in a multistory parking garage. I wound up with a Fiat, I didn't enjoy the Fiat as I found when it accelerated it was like a standard and made a high pitch sound till the next gear engaged.

My first stop was Dad's house and I let Dad's urn look out the picture window that Dad so often looked out of.

I didn't stop for long as I had to head to the cemetery. This is a tiny cemetery in a rural area and no care taker on site so I was told I had to dig the hole myself, luckily the lady I was dealing Lynn said her husband could help me.

I got mixed up as to it's location as at first I thought it was close to the church but it was after the one general store. I've only visited it once before to get the lay of the land yet I've driven past it hundreds of times.

It was pouring rain that day and I found it strangely fitting not because it was sad weather but my Dad was a huge gardener and he would be saying we needed this rain. I kept it together at the cemetery as I was not the only person burying an urn that day. I did like that they liked the urn I picked out for Dad.

The headstone should be installed in the next 3 weeks or so. It was interesting to see what other people did. There were quite a few solar garden lamps, I couldn't figure that out. Are they visiting in the dark? Lynn didn't like them as she thinks it could draw negative attention and potential vandals - hey what's that glow coming from the trees. They asked me where I wanted the urn in the rectangle and asked me north or west. I went with west so it faced the mountains. I'll probably be up there one more time before the headstone is installed and that will become my regular stop when I'm up there.

They invited me for a bowl of soup as I think they felt bad for me as I've been solo through this whole process. I thanked them but declined and headed back to the house. I intend to make a donation to the cemetery society as a thank you.

When I got to the house it hit me and the tears started. I was supposed to contact a neighbour friend to go through some stuff as they're having a garage sale next weekend. It just wasn't in me, I wound up taking a long nap as the stress of the day finally hit me. I told the neighbour that I just wanted to take it easy. This was not the weekend to sort anything. I went to make some lunch and found a can of Tim Horton's Hot Chocolate in the cupboard. My Dad didn't drink Hot Chocolate, he must have bought it for me and the tears started again.

Later on another neighbour the one I pay to watch the house dropped by. He's a super sweet older fella, can't drive anymore so he runs around on an ATV. You can't rush him in conversation but we had a little chat about the property and looney tunes. I think he wants me keep the property just like another neighbour. I get it but it just doesn't make sense.

I drove home this morning and it was super foggy. As I've said before I only recently started driving again but I couldn't believe the number of cars I saw that just had their daytime running lights on, and not to mention the number of people who passed me going 40KM over the speed limit when you could barely see 100m in front of you. I had already passed one deer and thought those people could so easily hit wildlife and the wildlife would win.

On Saturday I noticed one of the headlights was out on the Fiat. I returned the car before they were open.

I managed to fill the car up for the first time on my own and figure out the complicated procedure of returning the car. I stopped off at MacDonald's for a latte and breakfast and then took the c-train home. I wanted to walk a bit. I got of the train and started my 15min walk home and all the neighbourhood dogs where out for their morning walk so that made me happy.

I called the rental place to tell them about the headlight and they had already rented it out to someone else. Interesting as I returned it pretty dirty on the outside due to all the rain and mud. They said they'd contact the current renter and tell them they can take it in to get fixed and Avis will reimburse them. I only had it for 24hrs the new renter has it for 7 days.

The rest of today was all about getting sorted with housework & laundry. I start that online training plan this week and my surroundings need to be sorted for me to be sorted. Tomorrow I need to buy some weights for this training plan.

Now I try to get myself back into a routine and start training for the Tinker Bell 10K and Half.

Hugs.

Dumbo Recap in pictures

So I already wrote about my experience with the Disneyland 10K and Disneyland Half Marathon but I have yet to find an app I'm happy with when blogging on the road, especially when it comes to adding pictures.

So now that I'm home and reunited with my laptop let the pictures begin.

Let me start with the first leg of my trip as I had to fly to Vancouver then change planes to get to Los Angeles.

 This was the view as we started our approach

What I absolutely love about the Vancouver airport is the abundance of Haida art, I snapped this as I started the super long trek to the Los Angeles flight gate.

This is the first time I stayed at the Disneyland Hotel, it was nice but I think I like Paradise Pier a little better just because it's one building as opposed to 3 like Disneyland Hotel.

 I was in the Frontier tower

This was my view - quite the parking lot

I didn't find this lovely vista till the second to last day as it was just off the side of the Frontier Tower

Loved my room and the Disney attention to detail

When I landed in Vancouver my watch band broke so I picked this up as a replacement

My go to breakfast - I adore the Mickey Waffle

 Now let's get to what I picked up in the expo, sorry about the sideways but these magnets are now in my cubicle at work.

 The race pins which are on my RunDisney lanyard, I'm going to need to pick up another lanyard.

 Sweaty Bands headband, I love these they do not move through any activity. The Dumbo ones were gone but I got the half marathon one.

 The commemorative necklace for the Disneyland Half

 A medal for my Vinylmation RunDisney Mickey.

 I bought this shirt as I wanted a long sleeve option, the upcoming races will be training in winter.

 The 10K Race Shirt

 Half Marathon Race Shirt

 Dumbo Double Dare Race Shirt

 I think I'm now collecting the jackets, I wore my Wine&Dine jacket there and in the airport and on the plane I was asked if I was taking part in the Dumbo Double Dare.

 Speaking of Dumbo Double Dare I needed something wearable that said that and this was pretty much my only option. Lucky I like green. It's always a little weird buying this stuff before you actually do the race so very happy I finished.

Now let me show you the other stuff I picked up not race related.

 I really like those family car decals but am so not comfortable with advertising "Hey I live alone" so I saw these and thought who would mess with the force.

 I'm now in the habit of getting a pin and a magnet to mark my visit

 Love Disney villains so had to get the t-shirt

 Speaking of Villains after I broke my "You're Wicked Awesome" mug I needed a replacement. I thought this was perfect being an only child.

 I love the intricate detail on their mugs too. This is now on my desk at work.

 In my last post I talked about reigniting the fire, I have this as lanyard medallion and when I saw the pin version I new I had to have it. I have it on my pounds lost paper clip chain at work. Eye on the price.

I fell in love with these Halloween Minnie Ears.

I was supposed to run today but this chafing issue is driving me bonkers, it looks pretty ugly but I can tell it's healing. It's beneath my arm pit but right where you arm will touch it or clothes will touch it. The walk home from the c-train station was torture. I'm taking vaseline with me to work tomorrow. I can't put a sports bra on till this heals more so I'm taking a few days off.

I finally turned on my humidifier to try to deal with the never ending cough as people were commenting on it today.

I did re look at my training plans for the Tinker Bell 10K and Half, originally I was just signed up for the half but as I'm doing both I dusted off the Dumbo Double Dare training and fit to the dates of Tinker Bell then figured out how it fits in when Tinker Bell ends and Glass Slipper Challenge training continues. Then I took the WDW Marathon training and made it fit the Calgary Marathon on June 1st. They blend seamlessly I'm very impressed.  I then took the Dopey Challenge training and worked my way back of my guess on when that race will take place in 2015.

Now after I saw all the medals at the expo I now want to do the Tower of Terror 10 miler (October 2014) and the Expedition Everest 5K and scavenger hunt (May 2014). That's 3 trips to Florida in 7 months including Dopey - craziness.

I do know that I don't think I'll do the Disneyland Half again. There are rumors RunDisney will add 2 races in 2015, can't wait to find out more.  Reigniting the fire more like lighting fire to an inferno :)

Hugs!!!

Reigniting the fire

It's a miracle I crossed the finish line of the 2013 Disneyland Half and completed the Dumbo Double Dare. 

I stood at the start line & thought what the heck am I doing. I'm not trained for this as I let too many excuses get in my own way. Now I'm not talking about my Dad passing but before that. The job stress that I let get to me. My longest run before yesterday was 6 miles/ 10k. 

Ironic that I never ran when it was above 25C at home and by the midpoint way it was 42C with the humidity. What was I thinking? I did not prepare well at all this time around. 

As we waited to get into the corrals you overhear all the run chat about training plans and preparation. So many people were taped up in KT tape, or in compression gear or wearing all sorts of bands on knees.

I knew I would give this everything I had. Remember how I feel to really hit home of how this feels not being 100% ready. 

I was right at the front of my corral and I've never done that before. Typically I'm at the back or in the middle. Well with that pace minimum in my head I wanted as many people behind me as possible. 

It was sort of awesome being right at the start line as the corral before us were getting further away. RunDisney does staggered starts. 

I started running as it went straight into a bit of a downhill as we went under an overpass. When I went to a walk I could feel shin splints. I wasn't even at mile 1. 

I kept walking till the shins calmed down. I started small running portions. My walk pace was doing great and varying between 13:50/mile & 14:50/mile. I was passing some runners. All felt good till mile 8. Funny that's the same spot as Wine & Dine November. I wasn't 100% prepared for that race either but I had done the run/walk till mile 8 in that race. That was one I did the 5K in the morning in the same day. Yet I used that race as proof I could do Dumbo Double Dare. 

I kept my run portions to downhills & just kept one foot in front of the other. 

The cool part about this course is you go through Angel's Stadium & go around the ball field. I have never seen so many Boy and Girl Scouts that filled the stands cheering us on. 

After the Stadium we hit this stretch that was literally on the edge of a dry gully so we were on sand then fine gravel. Only about 4 people across could navigate that. Did not enjoy that part whatsoever. 

I don't know if it was the heat but there were some rude runners. No excuse me's when they passed super close. The whole walk on the right went out the window and people 3 to 5 across because they were running together. The Race pack says keep it to no more then 2.

There  were loads of nice runners though and the volunteers absolutely amazing. 

By Mile 12 I stopped caring about pace & focused on finishing. Every medical station had someone who has succumbed to the heat. Another miracle that I didn't as I'm so not used to humidity but I think the walking helped me there. 

I pulled out my last serge of energy to run across the finish line & realized Mickey & Donald were standing there so I high 5'd them as I crossed. 

Official time 3:22:25, that's 3 min slower then Wine & Dine but not my slowest half. 

Afterwards I popped a few Tylenol, downed some coffee, had a Mickey Waffle & hit the park. 

What this experience did do is reignite the fire. In January I have the Tinker Bell 10K & Half. In February the Glass Slipper Challenge (10K & Half). I learned a lot doing Dumbo to prepare for those two. Plus the weather should be more tolerable at the races but I will be training through winter at home - no excuses. 

Next time I need to remember to pack something for chafing. I have wicked chafing under my arms were the sports bra rubbed. Ironic that was the one place I didn't Body Glide. Thankfully I packed Vaseline. 

I'm so incredibly grateful that I finished in one piece & apart from being a bit sore feeling pretty darn good. 

Today it's off to explore the parks as I have a feeling tomorrow will be check out and off to LAX. 

I hope everyone enjoys their Labor Day.