Monday, February 11, 2013

Going Dark

When a weight loss blogger disappears one tends to think they've fallen off the wagon and that's what happened to me.

Why off the wagon? I have yet to learn how to deal with emotions.

This whole job thing was driving me more nuts then I wanted to admit. I went in to the office on Friday and met my replacement. Well the email came out last Monday that we had a new member on the team and I got emails asking what the story was.

It bothered me that there's a plan for the new person, a plan for my co-worker but no plan for me. The root of all this is there going down to one HR person at site. In all fairness the original plan was to do no more then 36 months at site so I knew I would go back to Calgary eventually. I'm bothered because no one can tell me where I'm going.

Now my replacement is here and I will be expected to transition which I would any way but I'd feel better about it if I knew I had a job in Calgary.

Now I've been told people have my back, have I mentioned I have trust issues.

Well on Friday I met her and I think she's great. We had a team lunch then I walked her to her office. She asked me if I was looking forward to going back to the Calgary office. I then wondered if she knew more then I knew. My brain can be dangerous when I start to over think.

Well Friday was also after work drinks courtesy of my boss' boss so 3 vodka paralyzers later I walked home from the train station in a funk.

I blew off weigh in as I purposely didn't set my alarm.

Saturday was a baby shower. Sunday was my 2nd Tai Chi class. Funk continued.

Today I had a regular call with my boss and told her it was seriously bugging me. It's the season to set goals for 2013 and knowing I won't finish the year supporting this group had me stalled with this process. She assured me nothing to worry about. No changes till Q4 and goodness knows lots can happen in the future.

The funk is lifting. I watched BL and always get inspired with something someone says.

Tonight the words mediocre or elite stuck with me.

I choose elite so back to basics and focusing on what I can control.

Back into the light

1 comment:

mostlyforward said...

So sorry you're going through this. I know exactly what you're talking about. There's a weight loss blog I started a few years back sitting out there in cyberspace, abandoned when I started gaining weight.

You're going through a rough patch right now with work. It's understandable. As long as you recognize where you're at, and don't stop trying again, you'll be fine.

Just keep swimming, even if sometimes it means you're really only floating.