Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Do you get in your own way?

It was an odd day. It started with me waking up in a start as I didn't set my alarm properly. I have a dual alarm and I turned on the wrong time. Not a total disaster as it was only maybe 15 minutes later then usual.

I felt like I was dragging today and I'm sore especially from the hips down. Either that's due to all that walking on gravel or sleeping on what felt like plywood over the weekend.

Now before I left for Big Valley my old boss issued me a challenge, she likes to do that sort of thing. It was make new friends or talk to a cute boy. I'm not sure why she cares so much about my social life but she has habit of deciding something based on no facts.

So today she asked me how I did, so I told her about the concert and the high amount of young people, not too mention the high amount of drunk people. She seemed to think that was an ideal opportunity to meet new people. I disagreed and then she started on a tangent of me hiding in my house. I said well next year I'll rock the cut offs and bikini top. She then say you keep saying you'll do stuff when you get your body where you want it but you shouldn't wait.

Well that got me thinking. Do I use my weight as an excuse not to do stuff? Well yeah I do, I don't want to try online dating again till I'm at goal weight. So much of my self image is tied to my weight. I generally think I'm invisible. I've felt that way for a long time, not sure when it started but I think it started with not feeling good enough. That I can trace back to junior high, I went to a bilingual junior high and the majority of school mates where from well off families i.e. doctors, lawyers. I was the child of a construction worker and I remember not being able to go on a ski trip because at that point my Dad was unemployed. I don't think I lacked from anything but that's when I started comparing myself to others. I still do.

A shift in attitude is required hence the turtle above.

That's not something that can be done overnight but needs to be chipped away at.

This morning on my way to work before the discussion with old boss I was listening to Jason Aldean - The only way I know.

Don’t stop till everything’s gone 
Straight ahead never turn round 
Don’t back up, don’t back down 
Full throttle wide open 
You get tired, you don’t show it 
Dig a little deeper when you think you can’t dig no more 
That’s the only way I know 

This lyric sort of stuck with me as it applies to goals, really any goal but especially perseverance. I weigh in tomorrow morning and I know it won't be good due to the fun over the weekend, but it was fun over one weekend. Instead I'm changing my perspective and thinking of it as also a start to a new week. That's my baby steps into changing my attitude.


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