4 Days

It's 4 days till I leave for the Dumbo Double Dare.

I'm so not prepared. My last run was quite awhile ago and it's reminding me a lot of the last time I did this run shortly after my Dad died.

I had signed up for it again as a chance to redeem myself. Then I lost my job but found a new one quickly.
The new one is nuts, I went from a very organized company to pure chaos. The hours are long and this week was truly bizarre. My gym is open till 9pm and starting in September till 10:30pm so no reason for excuse of activity pretty much limited to walk to and from the train station every day. The good part I am averaging 10,000 steps.

I know I'll finish even if I have to walk and I don't care if I'm last person across the finish line. I will complete all 3 runs.

People are tense at work as things are slowing down but I wasn't expecting to be pretty much attacked in a meeting on Friday.

I've been given an a huge task with a tight deadline, so I pulled the team together as I know together we'll get it down. After I explained the details and asked for feedback I noticed my co-worker wasn't saying much. So I asked him how he felt about it and whammo. The stuff he said threw me:

He was mad that he wasn't included.
I told him that morning that I went to a meeting that I was a late add to (30 min before it started) expecting to talk about one little thing and got handed this behemoth task.

He was mad decisions were made without him
I didn't make any decisions just got the tasks and he knows that's how our boss works

He said we'd fail at the task and never get it done.

This is what really really hurt

He said I'd get all the credit. In the meeting where I was given these tasks I was quite clear to the room and said I'm no hero this would be done by a team of people. In my meeting I told them if we could get this done I would take them out to celebrate and I believed as a team we could complete the task what I didn't tell them is write an email to our boss about the amazing work the whole team and singling out each person for their contribution. That's how I roll.

Now I know he's been stressed and dare I say paranoid but holy hannah I've never been spoken to like that in a room full of people. I was mad, but thankfully the room realized it was stress talking so that calmed me down.

He walked out of the meeting but we tracked him down and a few us talked to him and we left friends again. However the more I think about it I wonder when the next outburst will happen. He was fortunate that no leads or managers were in the room and we all made a pact to keep it that way. What still bugs me is while he realized he was out of line and blew it way out of proportion and I told him that I was hurt by what he said I never got an apology. Well consider me a wee wiser than yesterday.

Right now I don't think I'll last at this company for a year, this environment is just nuts. I'm not quitter though I will make sure that project is done and that people get credit for the work they do. Ideally I'd like to stick it out for at least a year and I think the gym will help me do that to run out the frustration of the craziness.

After work I picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Yeah not the wisest decision. I had originally planned to go to my Dad's house but after the emotionally draining Friday I realized I wasn't up to it whatsoever.

So I went to weigh in. Shockingly I stayed the same and took that as a sign. I had to pop into work to get something done and I was standing at the train platform it popped into my head that I've felt like a hamster on wheel just going round and round. Not sure if the insanity of yesterday helped but today I realized I see the door to the cage. My focus is me from now on as in focus on being a healthy me, work hard, do my job, go home, no drama, just focus on the task.

The only one taking care of me is me and to never forget all my blessings.

So I'll hopefully blog more and get this train moving.