I've had glimmers of being off mute but the button isn't completely off.
Take this week for example, while it was a rough week with the 1st anniversary of Dad's passing on the walk to the train this morning I felt like I was letting him down.
I've been battling weight for essentially my entire life and while I've had success I feel like I've been in the longest slump. He certainly witnessed a big part of that battle and didn't understand why I battled. I want to get this done in honour of him so he can see from up there that I did it, I finally did it.
Even with the loss last week that honestly I think was due to their scale being off. This week I bought lunch everyday and not only that breakfast, I had no plan. I haven't been to the gym in forever and the whole coughing thing since the Calgary Half has been my excuse. Though I have noted I don't cough much during those walks to and from the train station.
This needs to stuff and I need to get back into control and back in the drivers' seat. I choose what is a priority, no one else.
So tomorrow it's grocery shopping with plans for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No more buying and figure out when I hit the gym. I do work longer hours now so maybe I need to rethink and go first thing in the morning instead of after work, or keep after work but have meals planned in advance.
I know I can do this so I need to just do it.
I need to make a decision on the WW meeting. Tomorrow I'll go at 12:30 and make a final decision to either continue with this meeting or move to a different location that has an earlier meeting. I know this program works so I'm not abandoning it. I need to start following it 100% of the time.
I need to start running again it's 68 days to Dumbo Doubledare let's get this patootie in gear.
Do I feel defeated, heck no. I just need to remember why I want this and go after it.