Back to basics...again

I feel like my life has been on mute for awhile. 

I've had glimmers of being off mute but the button isn't completely off.

Take this week for example, while it was a rough week with the 1st anniversary of Dad's passing on the walk to the train this morning I felt like I was letting him down. 

I've been battling weight for essentially my entire life and while I've had success I feel like I've been in the longest slump. He certainly witnessed a big part of that battle and didn't understand why I battled. I want to get this done in honour of him so he can see from up there that I did it, I finally did it. 

Even with the loss last week that honestly I think was due to their scale being off. This week I bought lunch everyday and not only that breakfast, I had no plan. I haven't been to the gym in forever and the whole coughing thing since the Calgary Half has been my excuse. Though I have noted I don't cough much during those walks to and from the train station. 

This needs to stuff and I need to get back into control and back in the drivers' seat. I choose what is a priority, no one else. 

So tomorrow it's grocery shopping with plans for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No more buying and figure out when I hit the gym. I do work longer hours now so maybe I need to rethink and go first thing in the morning instead of after work, or keep after work but have meals planned in advance. 

I know I can do this so I need to just do it. 

I need to make a decision on the WW meeting. Tomorrow I'll go at 12:30 and make a final decision to either continue with this meeting or move to a different location that has an earlier meeting. I know this program works so I'm not abandoning it. I need to start following it 100% of the time. 

I need to start running again it's 68 days to Dumbo Doubledare let's get this patootie in gear. 

Do I feel defeated, heck no. I just need to remember why I want this and go after it.