Self Perception

Two weeks since I last posted...that is a little unlike me.

However it's been awhile since I felt like me, months in fact ever since my father passed away. I am reconciling with the new me, the me who is on their own in this world. Surrounded by friends don't get me wrong, but any remaining family lives in another country and we have never been nor will be close.

I'm still thinking about the Reinvention I blogged about last time, that's part of the reconciliation.

It's funny the other day at work I was dressed like this.

Note the snazzy zipper on the top.  I was feeling good and thought I looked sharp.

I was wearing these boots.

A colleague told me I had swagger that day and was a bit of rocker. What I did notice was the amount of attention I got. Normally I'm oblivious to that sort of thing but I noticed I got a lot more attention from men.

I think that had to do with the swagger.

Later in the week I'm walking in a plus 15 system and I see my reflection in the mirror and I saw myself as a blob, not to mention the video conference I was in and of course one part of the screen shows your room. There was the blob.

Isn't self perception funny and a self fulfilling prophecy. When you believe in yourself and feel good about yourself some amazing things happen to your aura.

That's the essence of my reconciliation/ reinvention.

I'm starting to feel like I'm a bit back into my regular routine and getting myself back together. The training for half marathons helps as it forces me to stick to a schedule. The first few weeks haven't been perfect but I'm getting there.

I was shopping with a friend today and we talked about journals, she admitted to buying them then partially fill them out. I not long ago tossed about 15 journals I had started and never finished. Vowing that the one I have now is the one I stick with until it's finished. So far so good and that started months ago.

I'm putting the pieces together again, slowly but surely.

Hugs!!!

Reinvention

I'm not sure where the week went, I can't say it was a particularly great week as I was letting a lot of things bug me.  Which annoys me that I let these things bug me.

I'm still adjusting to the new job and find myself missing the old one a lot. In fact this week I ran into a lot of people from the old job and even got a few hugs which was super nice but at the same time probably escalated the missing.

A project I was super looking forward to in the old job is now starting off without me. Yeah that put me in the dumps a little.

On a good note I have tracked for a total of 5 days which is a new record and I've also been tracking on My Fitness Pal to see the breakdown of macronutrients i.e Fat, Carbs, Fibre and Protein. Now the extra special fact that I've tracked 5 days in a row is that they were doozy of days. I tracked absolutely everything no omissions whatsoever.

You know what I really like about the My Fitness Pal app is the ability to scan bar codes. The American WW has an app that does that but the Canadian WW does not. I might keep up the double tracking for a while.

I was reading Facebook this morning and the amazing Suzi Storm posted a YouTube link to an Acura commercial but it wasn't about the commercial, she was referencing what they say in the commercial and that got  my attention. Here it is and I've edited a little.

Reinvention isn't something man discovers, it's something he creates.
The ability to push ego aside and begin again.
That is the inspiration behind my re-creation.
My soul reimagined.

I have definitely been all up in my ego and focusing on the negative. I'm turning that around. I might even dust off some Eckhart Tolle.

The ironic thing about this is that cute country neighbour I was talking about before who I would now call a friend has become a project for me. I think I'm a project for him as well. As I said before he's going through a divorce so I think helping me with Dad's house is helping to distract him. Meanwhile his lack of self esteem and sense of self worth has become my project to help him realize he's surrounded by blessings. Apparently I'm helping which does make me feel good but I need to practice what I preach.

I'm focusing on reinvention.

I've tracked today again and this time stayed on plan.
I've also taken my vitamins for 6 days in a row.
I finally cooked again, I haven't really cooked anything since my Dad died living mostly on eating out or cheese and crackers. I made turkey chili and tomorrow I will make egg muffins so I can have protein for breakfast.
I bought 110 tulip bulbs today that I will plant tomorrow. My flower beds have been bare all summer as right before my Dad passed we had planned to do planting. After he died the flower beds made me sad. I will have flowers next spring and I will try to foster the green thumb that's hopefully buried in my genetics somewhere.

I start training for the Tinker Bell 10 K and Half Marathon next week. I dusted off the Dumbo Double Dare training and adjusted the dates.

I signed up for the Halloween Howl 10K on October 26th and opted for the timed version of the race as this is my chance to get a better time and a better corral for Tinker Bell.

I've decided my costume will be Halloween Minnie.

I have the ears

I ordered this skirt from Sparkle Athletic. It's not orange which I was hoping for but I think Gold will do.

I picked up 89 cent white mittens at Walmart today.

Already own black technical tops, so apart for something under the skirt pending the weather I'm good to go for now.

Let the reinvention begin and keep going.

Tough Day

On Saturday I headed out to Bergen to bury my Father's urn.

I don't know if I was dreading this day or seeking some sort of closure with this day.

My normal car rental place was out of vehicles so I used Avis this time. It's easiest for me to pick up cars in the downtown area so that's the location I rented from.

Now to get downtown I can take the c-train but this time I tried Cars2Go for the first time. They're smart cars parked all over the city and your membership card opens the door and pretty much off you go. They have an app that shows you the cars in your area so Saturday morning I reserved the closest one. You can reserve for 30 min. You can't take them outside of the city.

It's a fun little car but the challenge is where you can park it downtown, the navigation system can tell you where the safe spots to park are so I used that and ended my trip close to the Avis location.

The rental process at Avis was different then Enterprise as all the Avis cars are in a multistory parking garage. I wound up with a Fiat, I didn't enjoy the Fiat as I found when it accelerated it was like a standard and made a high pitch sound till the next gear engaged.

My first stop was Dad's house and I let Dad's urn look out the picture window that Dad so often looked out of.

I didn't stop for long as I had to head to the cemetery. This is a tiny cemetery in a rural area and no care taker on site so I was told I had to dig the hole myself, luckily the lady I was dealing Lynn said her husband could help me.

I got mixed up as to it's location as at first I thought it was close to the church but it was after the one general store. I've only visited it once before to get the lay of the land yet I've driven past it hundreds of times.

It was pouring rain that day and I found it strangely fitting not because it was sad weather but my Dad was a huge gardener and he would be saying we needed this rain. I kept it together at the cemetery as I was not the only person burying an urn that day. I did like that they liked the urn I picked out for Dad.

The headstone should be installed in the next 3 weeks or so. It was interesting to see what other people did. There were quite a few solar garden lamps, I couldn't figure that out. Are they visiting in the dark? Lynn didn't like them as she thinks it could draw negative attention and potential vandals - hey what's that glow coming from the trees. They asked me where I wanted the urn in the rectangle and asked me north or west. I went with west so it faced the mountains. I'll probably be up there one more time before the headstone is installed and that will become my regular stop when I'm up there.

They invited me for a bowl of soup as I think they felt bad for me as I've been solo through this whole process. I thanked them but declined and headed back to the house. I intend to make a donation to the cemetery society as a thank you.

When I got to the house it hit me and the tears started. I was supposed to contact a neighbour friend to go through some stuff as they're having a garage sale next weekend. It just wasn't in me, I wound up taking a long nap as the stress of the day finally hit me. I told the neighbour that I just wanted to take it easy. This was not the weekend to sort anything. I went to make some lunch and found a can of Tim Horton's Hot Chocolate in the cupboard. My Dad didn't drink Hot Chocolate, he must have bought it for me and the tears started again.

Later on another neighbour the one I pay to watch the house dropped by. He's a super sweet older fella, can't drive anymore so he runs around on an ATV. You can't rush him in conversation but we had a little chat about the property and looney tunes. I think he wants me keep the property just like another neighbour. I get it but it just doesn't make sense.

I drove home this morning and it was super foggy. As I've said before I only recently started driving again but I couldn't believe the number of cars I saw that just had their daytime running lights on, and not to mention the number of people who passed me going 40KM over the speed limit when you could barely see 100m in front of you. I had already passed one deer and thought those people could so easily hit wildlife and the wildlife would win.

On Saturday I noticed one of the headlights was out on the Fiat. I returned the car before they were open.

I managed to fill the car up for the first time on my own and figure out the complicated procedure of returning the car. I stopped off at MacDonald's for a latte and breakfast and then took the c-train home. I wanted to walk a bit. I got of the train and started my 15min walk home and all the neighbourhood dogs where out for their morning walk so that made me happy.

I called the rental place to tell them about the headlight and they had already rented it out to someone else. Interesting as I returned it pretty dirty on the outside due to all the rain and mud. They said they'd contact the current renter and tell them they can take it in to get fixed and Avis will reimburse them. I only had it for 24hrs the new renter has it for 7 days.

The rest of today was all about getting sorted with housework & laundry. I start that online training plan this week and my surroundings need to be sorted for me to be sorted. Tomorrow I need to buy some weights for this training plan.

Now I try to get myself back into a routine and start training for the Tinker Bell 10K and Half.

Hugs.

Dumbo Recap in pictures

So I already wrote about my experience with the Disneyland 10K and Disneyland Half Marathon but I have yet to find an app I'm happy with when blogging on the road, especially when it comes to adding pictures.

So now that I'm home and reunited with my laptop let the pictures begin.

Let me start with the first leg of my trip as I had to fly to Vancouver then change planes to get to Los Angeles.

 This was the view as we started our approach

What I absolutely love about the Vancouver airport is the abundance of Haida art, I snapped this as I started the super long trek to the Los Angeles flight gate.

This is the first time I stayed at the Disneyland Hotel, it was nice but I think I like Paradise Pier a little better just because it's one building as opposed to 3 like Disneyland Hotel.

 I was in the Frontier tower

This was my view - quite the parking lot

I didn't find this lovely vista till the second to last day as it was just off the side of the Frontier Tower

Loved my room and the Disney attention to detail

When I landed in Vancouver my watch band broke so I picked this up as a replacement

My go to breakfast - I adore the Mickey Waffle

 Now let's get to what I picked up in the expo, sorry about the sideways but these magnets are now in my cubicle at work.

 The race pins which are on my RunDisney lanyard, I'm going to need to pick up another lanyard.

 Sweaty Bands headband, I love these they do not move through any activity. The Dumbo ones were gone but I got the half marathon one.

 The commemorative necklace for the Disneyland Half

 A medal for my Vinylmation RunDisney Mickey.

 I bought this shirt as I wanted a long sleeve option, the upcoming races will be training in winter.

 The 10K Race Shirt

 Half Marathon Race Shirt

 Dumbo Double Dare Race Shirt

 I think I'm now collecting the jackets, I wore my Wine&Dine jacket there and in the airport and on the plane I was asked if I was taking part in the Dumbo Double Dare.

 Speaking of Dumbo Double Dare I needed something wearable that said that and this was pretty much my only option. Lucky I like green. It's always a little weird buying this stuff before you actually do the race so very happy I finished.

Now let me show you the other stuff I picked up not race related.

 I really like those family car decals but am so not comfortable with advertising "Hey I live alone" so I saw these and thought who would mess with the force.

 I'm now in the habit of getting a pin and a magnet to mark my visit

 Love Disney villains so had to get the t-shirt

 Speaking of Villains after I broke my "You're Wicked Awesome" mug I needed a replacement. I thought this was perfect being an only child.

 I love the intricate detail on their mugs too. This is now on my desk at work.

 In my last post I talked about reigniting the fire, I have this as lanyard medallion and when I saw the pin version I new I had to have it. I have it on my pounds lost paper clip chain at work. Eye on the price.

I fell in love with these Halloween Minnie Ears.

I was supposed to run today but this chafing issue is driving me bonkers, it looks pretty ugly but I can tell it's healing. It's beneath my arm pit but right where you arm will touch it or clothes will touch it. The walk home from the c-train station was torture. I'm taking vaseline with me to work tomorrow. I can't put a sports bra on till this heals more so I'm taking a few days off.

I finally turned on my humidifier to try to deal with the never ending cough as people were commenting on it today.

I did re look at my training plans for the Tinker Bell 10K and Half, originally I was just signed up for the half but as I'm doing both I dusted off the Dumbo Double Dare training and fit to the dates of Tinker Bell then figured out how it fits in when Tinker Bell ends and Glass Slipper Challenge training continues. Then I took the WDW Marathon training and made it fit the Calgary Marathon on June 1st. They blend seamlessly I'm very impressed.  I then took the Dopey Challenge training and worked my way back of my guess on when that race will take place in 2015.

Now after I saw all the medals at the expo I now want to do the Tower of Terror 10 miler (October 2014) and the Expedition Everest 5K and scavenger hunt (May 2014). That's 3 trips to Florida in 7 months including Dopey - craziness.

I do know that I don't think I'll do the Disneyland Half again. There are rumors RunDisney will add 2 races in 2015, can't wait to find out more.  Reigniting the fire more like lighting fire to an inferno :)

Hugs!!!

Reigniting the fire

It's a miracle I crossed the finish line of the 2013 Disneyland Half and completed the Dumbo Double Dare. 

I stood at the start line & thought what the heck am I doing. I'm not trained for this as I let too many excuses get in my own way. Now I'm not talking about my Dad passing but before that. The job stress that I let get to me. My longest run before yesterday was 6 miles/ 10k. 

Ironic that I never ran when it was above 25C at home and by the midpoint way it was 42C with the humidity. What was I thinking? I did not prepare well at all this time around. 

As we waited to get into the corrals you overhear all the run chat about training plans and preparation. So many people were taped up in KT tape, or in compression gear or wearing all sorts of bands on knees.

I knew I would give this everything I had. Remember how I feel to really hit home of how this feels not being 100% ready. 

I was right at the front of my corral and I've never done that before. Typically I'm at the back or in the middle. Well with that pace minimum in my head I wanted as many people behind me as possible. 

It was sort of awesome being right at the start line as the corral before us were getting further away. RunDisney does staggered starts. 

I started running as it went straight into a bit of a downhill as we went under an overpass. When I went to a walk I could feel shin splints. I wasn't even at mile 1. 

I kept walking till the shins calmed down. I started small running portions. My walk pace was doing great and varying between 13:50/mile & 14:50/mile. I was passing some runners. All felt good till mile 8. Funny that's the same spot as Wine & Dine November. I wasn't 100% prepared for that race either but I had done the run/walk till mile 8 in that race. That was one I did the 5K in the morning in the same day. Yet I used that race as proof I could do Dumbo Double Dare. 

I kept my run portions to downhills & just kept one foot in front of the other. 

The cool part about this course is you go through Angel's Stadium & go around the ball field. I have never seen so many Boy and Girl Scouts that filled the stands cheering us on. 

After the Stadium we hit this stretch that was literally on the edge of a dry gully so we were on sand then fine gravel. Only about 4 people across could navigate that. Did not enjoy that part whatsoever. 

I don't know if it was the heat but there were some rude runners. No excuse me's when they passed super close. The whole walk on the right went out the window and people 3 to 5 across because they were running together. The Race pack says keep it to no more then 2.

There  were loads of nice runners though and the volunteers absolutely amazing. 

By Mile 12 I stopped caring about pace & focused on finishing. Every medical station had someone who has succumbed to the heat. Another miracle that I didn't as I'm so not used to humidity but I think the walking helped me there. 

I pulled out my last serge of energy to run across the finish line & realized Mickey & Donald were standing there so I high 5'd them as I crossed. 

Official time 3:22:25, that's 3 min slower then Wine & Dine but not my slowest half. 

Afterwards I popped a few Tylenol, downed some coffee, had a Mickey Waffle & hit the park. 

What this experience did do is reignite the fire. In January I have the Tinker Bell 10K & Half. In February the Glass Slipper Challenge (10K & Half). I learned a lot doing Dumbo to prepare for those two. Plus the weather should be more tolerable at the races but I will be training through winter at home - no excuses. 

Next time I need to remember to pack something for chafing. I have wicked chafing under my arms were the sports bra rubbed. Ironic that was the one place I didn't Body Glide. Thankfully I packed Vaseline. 

I'm so incredibly grateful that I finished in one piece & apart from being a bit sore feeling pretty darn good. 

Today it's off to explore the parks as I have a feeling tomorrow will be check out and off to LAX. 

I hope everyone enjoys their Labor Day. 

Hello from Disneyland

It was an early start on Friday as I headed to the airport. 

Discovered Air Canada now charges $25 to take one checked piece of luggage. I was standing at the check in kiosk & one of the options it gives you is scan your passport. So I did that & then this Air Canada person asks me why I did that. Ah because it was an option? She then took over and entered my stuff. When we got to the luggage part she says "how you going to pay". Before that moment I did not know you had to pay for one bag. 

After that it was off to Vancouver to change planes. On the flight to LA I helped my seat mate play this cool game called Logos. Must get this when I get home. 

Landing in LA I got on a shuttle right away & then off to Disneyland. 

My room wasn't ready when I got there so I went to packet pick up & the expo. I had no issues at pack it pick up and sailed through there. 

Then I hit the expo, no issues getting the race shirts but when I wanted to look at the official merchandise we were herded. They wouldn't let us cross past the back of the room & were told come back in 30 min. I thought this odd as when I did the Inaugural Tinker Bell Half this didn't happen. Finally got in but it was already pretty picked over by 2pm. I found what wanted with the exception of a Double Dare hat. Then I stood in line to pay...for 90min. It was craziness. Watching some of the people in line arm loads of stuff I wondered if they were planning to sell it. Stuff started going on eBay last night. It was ridiculous, no one was restocking stuff either. 

Wandered through the rest of the expo but nothing called my name. 

I then went to Downtown Disney as I wanted a journal. This journal is to use for training & the road to Dopey 2015. 

Went to bed super early as I was up so early. 

Today was the Inaugural Disneyland 10k. It was crazy humid which is not normal for this Area. Then it was a huge RunDisney fail. The corrals were a mess & no marker for corral G. The race started and corrals merged by accident. Hit the first water station just passed mile 1 and they were filling cups as runners approached which caused people to stop. That's not good we were told another water station was just ahead. Yeah at Mile 4. The water was warm & no powerade. It was super hot & crazy humid - not good. 

So many people walking more then 2 abreast. I started running when I saw room. Then I decided I'm not going to kill myself on the 10k. I stuck to walking and kept above pace requirements. I passed quite a few people who started ahead of me as the humidity was effecting lot of people. 

I have to say this race was super disorganized which is unlike RunDisney. 

Tomorrow is the Half. I went back to the expo to get a lighter shirt & got a deal at Champion. 

Everything is laid out as it will be another early wake up call & I'm going to bed early. 

I haven't taken a ton of photos but I'm post some when I get home. 

Wish me luck tomorrow. 

Just plain overwhelmed

I haven't been blogging lately as I honestly didn't have much to say, not that I do now. I started this blog for me and had to remember I could write whatever I wanted as it's personal choice if anyone actually reads it.

The cold has gone, thankfully but the cough remains which worries me a bit as that can always be bronchitis but it doesn't feel like the same cough when I had bronchitis. With only 5 days left till I leave for Disneyland and the Dumbo Double Dare there's not a whole lot I can do about it now. I don't really want to start any meds at this point and it's not awful like waking me up. I find it doesn't really get going until I do a lot of talking or have dairy.

I'm going to focus on more natural remedies. I haven't run since last Sunday and I'm thinking I'll leave it that way and keep focused on staying fresh for the races and focus on nutrition and proper sleep. I'm just going to do the best I can, hopefully finish then when I get back start training for Tinker Bell.

On Friday I went and ordered a headstone for my Dad, wicked complicated in way as I needed to keep in mind the rules of the cemetery. One thing I absolutely wanted was a vase, my Dad was all about flowers so that was important to me. I wound up with a super fancy reversible vase, so have the option to have it out or flush with the ground. The flowers will be fake and I'm going to find the nicest fake flowers I can find. I am thinking of making it my final resting place too so I got the headstone spaced that a second name could be added if I ultimately want that. It was a wee freaky to see my name on the computer screen as we made sure all the spacing was correct.

On Saturday I rented a car to head out to my Dad's place to check on it. It was the first time I rented from the Enterprise location downtown. I loved that the dude walked me through the features of the car. That never happened when I rented from the airport. This time it was a Ford Focus with the push button start, I was totally thrown off that there was no key.  So far I think I enjoy the Ford the most.

I have to say the good thing about renting is I'm guessing most people think I'm a tourist on the highway and that's why I'm one of the few people actually driving the speed limit. I was passed by someone on the way back that must of been going 40k over the limit after he passed me. Not to mention the one who passed me when the speed limit dropped to 50 and they were going like 80 and continued going 80.

While at my Dad's the neighbour"s son dropped by to check out the Aveo. My first thought was that he was cute. He's blond which is something I don't normally go for. Let's factor in he's in the middle of a divorce with 2 kids and told me he's never been on his own. Met the ex at 17 been together for 20 years, married 16. Yeah he needs to be on his own for awhile but I think I made a new friend.

Also discovered why the Aveo was smelling funky, few months back my Dad told me about milk that opened on the way back from the grocery store (30 min drive). It's been smelling odd since, aha found mold. Yeah, so neighbour has a son with wicked allergies but that family has been super helpful so their putting the word out and think they know other potential buyers. One thing I notice was how humid the garage was a it's attached to the green house so that certainly didn't help the mold situation and probably made it worse.

Now I have something else to clean. I left the car outside and I'll find a cover for it so it can stay outside after I clean it. That will also make going through all the stuff in the garage easier. When he came over the car actually wouldn't start as the battery was dead but I found a charger. Recently they cleaned out their Aunt's barn so he was in scavenger mode and asked if he look around. I said sure. He mentioned a few things I could sell at the local garage sale but the enormity of what needs to be done hit me again. So much stuff. While admittedly I was embarrassed by all the stuff he just dove in not phased by it at all.

I have to take another week of vacation to meet my companies carry over vacation rules and now I know I'll be going back to Dad's for a week most likely in the fall. I'll talk to the boss tomorrow. I just need to tackle room by room. I want to book a garbage bin too so I can just haul any garbage straight into there. I'm thinking sometime in October or early November before it snows.

He said  he'd help and even we could call a gang together and get it done. Note to self - do not fall for this guy. He's cute, super easy to talk to and a super nice country boy - who is in the process of a divorce and two kids, hasn't been single in 20 years. Danger danger Will Robinson. Not to mention I'm not in a great emotional state to even start imagining a romantic relationship. He invited me over to the family homestead as they were having a fire, I opted out as I was driving back early today.

I think I have an idea for him to be the final owner of the car as I really do want it to go to a nice home, yes it's a thing. I do think he now wants a bigger vehicle at any rate I think with their help I'll have a buyer.

On the WW front tracking has been sketchy lately leading up to the headstone purchase. On Tuesday I went to the WW meeting with a co-worker so I could get some smoothie mix. I do like as an online member I can still go get a meeting product.

Tomorrow I need to start packing for Disneyland as I'm out to dinner with friends on Thursday and it's an early flight on Friday. I have a feeling this week will fly by.

So what's new with you?

8 days flew by

I can't believe I haven't posted in 8 days and I wasn't even away.

I was down with a cold though, and still today have the sniffles. However I know that should go away soon.

That interrupted training as I couldn't breathe and I was so tired. This past weekend I spent the whole time in my PJs just trying to sleep it off.

The Dumbo Double Dare is going to be interesting. I'm not sweating the 10K I got that.

I joined a few Facebook groups dedicated to Disney runs, more specifically the Disneyland Half (part of the Dumbo Double Dare), Tinkerbell (January) and the Glass Slipper Challenge (February).

What struck me on the Disneyland Half one was people talking about being worried about being swept up. That hasn't even occurred to me. I'm confident I'll finish. Heck if I can do a 5K at 5 am and then a half at 10 pm on the same day I got this.

I'm planning the last long run for Sunday, how long no idea I'm going to see how I feel. I need to road test my new FlipBelt.

I first saw this on Dani's blog Weight Off My Shoulders , she's actually hosting a giveaway for one enter here.

I sort of assume that most of these type of blogger giveaways are not open to Canadians unless the blogger is Canadian and too be honest I really wanted one as I'm always experimenting with how to cart stuff on runs. I got a royal blue one. I never carry water during a Disney run as the water stations are organized beautifully.

I stopped by the Running Room on Tuesday and picked up a Camelbak hand held water bottle to test out for home longer runs.

On Tuesday I also saw Elysium, I didn't like it and found it a little too violent as I'm not into that.

The new job is going well. Last week was nuts as quite frankly I was dealing with an idiot but now that this is done today and was so quiet. I know it won't last but I don't know what busy looks like in this job.

WW Online is going well, last week's tracking was sketch mostly due to the cold. Today I lost what I gained after coming back from Big Valley so back on track.

Today I signed up for a 10 week online training program for women over 40 (or getting there). Tamara is trainer from B.C and you can check out the details here. You may know her as Fitknitchik. I like how it's focused on effects of turning 40. To be honest I can't say I've felt too much at 41 but I know it's coming so why not head it off.

I had to ask her if her program would mesh with my half marathon training plan. It starts September 8th (You sign up until September 6th). She said it could but running causes stress in the body so I might not want to focus on a weigh goal rather on strength. However because I run/walk I'll still focus on weight too.

So now you're pretty up to date. For this weekend I also plan on picking out at a headstone for my Dad. I still haven't buried the urn but now I know when I want to do that. I can't believe it will be 2 months on Friday.

Do you get in your own way?

It was an odd day. It started with me waking up in a start as I didn't set my alarm properly. I have a dual alarm and I turned on the wrong time. Not a total disaster as it was only maybe 15 minutes later then usual.

I felt like I was dragging today and I'm sore especially from the hips down. Either that's due to all that walking on gravel or sleeping on what felt like plywood over the weekend.

Now before I left for Big Valley my old boss issued me a challenge, she likes to do that sort of thing. It was make new friends or talk to a cute boy. I'm not sure why she cares so much about my social life but she has habit of deciding something based on no facts.

So today she asked me how I did, so I told her about the concert and the high amount of young people, not too mention the high amount of drunk people. She seemed to think that was an ideal opportunity to meet new people. I disagreed and then she started on a tangent of me hiding in my house. I said well next year I'll rock the cut offs and bikini top. She then say you keep saying you'll do stuff when you get your body where you want it but you shouldn't wait.

Well that got me thinking. Do I use my weight as an excuse not to do stuff? Well yeah I do, I don't want to try online dating again till I'm at goal weight. So much of my self image is tied to my weight. I generally think I'm invisible. I've felt that way for a long time, not sure when it started but I think it started with not feeling good enough. That I can trace back to junior high, I went to a bilingual junior high and the majority of school mates where from well off families i.e. doctors, lawyers. I was the child of a construction worker and I remember not being able to go on a ski trip because at that point my Dad was unemployed. I don't think I lacked from anything but that's when I started comparing myself to others. I still do.

A shift in attitude is required hence the turtle above.

That's not something that can be done overnight but needs to be chipped away at.

This morning on my way to work before the discussion with old boss I was listening to Jason Aldean - The only way I know.

Don’t stop till everything’s gone 
Straight ahead never turn round 
Don’t back up, don’t back down 
Full throttle wide open 
You get tired, you don’t show it 
Dig a little deeper when you think you can’t dig no more 
That’s the only way I know 

This lyric sort of stuck with me as it applies to goals, really any goal but especially perseverance. I weigh in tomorrow morning and I know it won't be good due to the fun over the weekend, but it was fun over one weekend. Instead I'm changing my perspective and thinking of it as also a start to a new week. That's my baby steps into changing my attitude.

Hugs!!

What I learned camping

Hello!

Can't believe it's been over a week since I posted.

My friends and I spent the weekend at the Big Valley Jamboree, 4 day Country Music fest roughly 3 hours from where I live in a town called Camrose.

I grew up on Country music and have drifted in and out of that genre. My iPod has everything but I do find myself in the past few years drifting more towards country again.

The big headliners were Alan Jackson, Luke Bryan and Tim McGraw, though I was really happy to see Travis Tritt.

We skipped the Thursday under the advice of people who've gone before and planned to be there on Friday. Now the day after the 2012 Big Valley I was trying to get us a room in the Best Western that's super close to the concert bowl. No go, they had a monster waiting list. We couldn't get a single room in Camrose, I had reserved a room in the next closest towns which is Wetaskiwin, which would have meant 30min drive there and back.

Well last week in the final hours we discovered a friend who had an extra camp spot with two tickets he was trying to sell. Well I bought the tickets, my friend sold them and they didn't need the camp spot so we got it.

So we thought let's rent an RV, well that was an adventure as it is a long weekend. We got the last RV in the city of Calgary.

 Tada, so armed with sleeping bags and a whole lot junk food (courtesy of one friend) and a variety of alcohol we headed out. No luckily our co-worker who had their 5th Wheel and was our campsite neighbour so he let us plug into his generator or we had no power. Yeah and I packed a hair dryer and straightener.

It was pretty interesting to see us all watch our phone batteries die a slow death. We all bought one of those charging doohickeys at the trade show. Only mine had some power in the battery so I could charge my phone.

None us were RV pros so we paid the RV rental place to empty the tanks, we were super conscious about water use so tried to use the porta potties (ewwwww) except I did get to use one that just cleaned which was sort of awesome. No one had a shower in 3 days, there are shower facilities there for $7, the only thing was you then had to walk across dirt and grass to get back to your camp and you were just as dirty pre shower. Not to mention the competing with a whole lot of other campers.Now when we got there you could call water people or sewage people to service your trailer while you were there. I'm going to look into an out door shower or baby wipes and dry shampoo next year. That's the good thing about a cowboy hat it hides a whole lot of hair sins.

There were RVs and tents everywhere and it was crazy. We were in Family Camping meaning there's a midnight cut off for noise. That didn't happen I could hear lots in the wee hours of the morning that we referred to as coyotes, well the human drunk kind. We had other friends in General Camping which we renamed Hooligan Camping, they actually had someone take a pot full of potatoes from their camp site.

The other type of camping was Reserved which is closer to the event area. I'm voting we try for that if we go next year.

The RV themselves were fascinating, there were monster huge ones with satellite and some that looked like there were built from scratch. There were two that were John Deere inspired painted green with skull wearing a John Deere hat.

There were 20 somethings everywhere and multiple campers had a variety of beer pong set ups. I've never seen that many jean cut offs and bikini tops either.

This was one of the twenty somethings next door to us, on day one I saw him admiring his own abs, here is conked out holding a guitar.

Oh yes lots of guitars and you could hear singing everywhere and in promptu concerts.

One of my favourite concerts was Luke Bryan, at one point it was just him and his guitar. He missed a chord on a song and went back a line to do it over. I think that's what I appreciate about most country artists there down to earth.

To give you an idea of how many people where there.

This was in front of me

This was behind me

think there was somewhere around 25000 people there. I'm happy we went with reserved seats which got us a seat, all the people behind me had to bring lawn chairs and stake out a spot.

After a long soak in the tub when I got home I now feel a little more human. Now I didn't track at all over the last few days mainly due to being very careful with my phone (no power). So now it's back on the wagon.

In my first two weeks of WW online I lost 4lbs total.

Hugs!!!

1st week of WW online

Well I completed my first week of WW online.

The wins:

I tracked everything and I mean everything, every bite, lick, taste and sip.

The not so win:

That didn't stop me from going way way off plan, I was like a runaway train. My 6 weeks off plan let some good habits slide. Now that's my fault not the plans fault. I was tracking on my phone, my iPad and on the computer so I think that was kind of awesome. I had a little too much fun with all the food options I now have access to. However I have located some point friendly options in the food court as well. Today for example was Jugo Juice Wild Rice and Soybean salad and Max Veg (all veggies) juice.

I weighed in this morning with a loss of 1.8 lbs, now in all honesty that had more to do with my starting weight being recorded at night as that's when a week ago today I decided to try WW online one more time.

However I know I can do this.

So today is a new week and now that I've booked the trip to Tokyo in December that's added motivation.

Half marathon training went on hold as I had a weird pain in my calf along the right side, however now it seems to be fine.

It will be an interesting race at Disneyland as I'll probably be walking more then running so my goal is to finish and then for the Glass Slipper challenge in February the goal will be to smoke my time.

Next weekend is the Big Valley Jamboree a 4 day country music fest in Camrose, Alberta. My friends and I bought tickets for the first time. Now you couldn't get a hotel in Camrose anywhere so I had booked one in Wetaskiwin which is a 30min drive away.

This week a co-worker gave us a camp spot so unbelievably we managed to rent an RV, it's a long weekend next weekend so you can imagine this was super last minute.

I'm so happy about this as I was dreading figuring out who would be the designated driver and pretty much being stuck there all day. Now if there's an act that we're not into there's a place to chill and have a nap.

This weekend I had thought I'd go to my Dad's house but I seriously need to take care of my house. It's just been a disaster zone as I was so focused on the new job.

So before I can deal with the other house I need to get mine in order plus I think that will help my state of mind.

I started reading the Infernal Devices series by Cassandra Clare, I finished the Clockwork Angel and now I'm reading the Clockwork Prince with the Clockwork Princess already loaded on the Kobo.

Yes I like young adult fiction, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Divergent. What can I say I find it entertaining. I don't think I'm alone in that though :)

Changing things up

I'm in a period of change right now.

Not just with the new job but I find my interests changing, like rediscovering getting lost in a book. Right now that's Cuckoo's Callling for me.

I'm also changing it up on the weight loss front. Now I completely believe in Weightwatchers, the program works. I've just found myself going through the motions and not happy with my meetings. You get what you put in.

A lot of that had to do with ridiculous leader and then a whole lot of subs. The other adjustment is back to working Mon - Fri. After 2.5 years of Mon -Thurs it's an adjustment trust me. I find I want to sleep in on Saturdays as Sundays are long run days.

Lately I get discouraged watching others who I remember when they joined succeeding when I'm just not. Frankly I'm tired. To be honest I get more support from my online friends/ bloggers. I was so sad I couldn't go to FitBloggin but knew it was for the best not to go as I was in full scale grief.


Heck there's so much new like dealing with new transportation to work as that's completely changed since the last time I worked downtown. New working hours, new work friends, new boss and new routine.
So last night I came to a decision to try something different. I signed up for weightwatchers online for 6 months.

Yes I've tried online before and was unsuccessful but that was 100% my fault and before the app. I take my phone everywhere.

I haven't been very successful in meetings lately either and just playing around with the same 5 pounds. There are weeks I am totally on, then weeks where I'm totally off and then weeks where I'm so so. Self fulfilling prophecy - fail to plan, plan to fail. My tracker has many partially filled days.

I know the plan inside and out and have learned tons at meetings that lives with me today. It's time to shake things up and walk the talk.

I haven't gone to a meeting since June 22, the Saturday after my Dad passed away, I think I went forcing myself into some sense of normalcy.

There's nothing normal about my life right now, I'm heading into the new normal.

I also changed my weigh in day to Thursday, it's been Saturday forever. I set the phone app to remind me to track breakfast, lunch and dinner. Day one was yesterday.

Frankly it's also cheaper then paying for a meeting and e-tools, the monthly pass is not availabe in my area. As I signed up for 6 months it works out a little more then $5/wk, that's less then I spend at Starbucks. I'm not washing my hands of meetings. I want to try online for 6 months, I have 54lbs till goal. I might lose it in 6 months I might not but if there's still the minimum loss left to join the meetings (I think it's 10 or 15lbs) I'll go back to meetings so I can reach lifetime and get e-tools for free. If I lose it all online I'll be happy with that as well.

I've been talking to people at work about going away for Christmas as I just think that will be too rough to be home this year, and suggestions have been pouring in.
Vegas, Chile, San Fransisco, Hawaii, Cuba, Mexico but then new boss suggested Japan.

I wasn't expecting that and that wasn't even on my radar but then I started thinking about it. I could go to Japan for a week. I've always wanted to go, and ever since I had skin cancer beach vacations don't appeal to me. I'm also liking that's it's a completely different culture and not traditional Christmas. I don't want to go somewhere where I'm surrounded by families celebrating Christmas. When I was in University I signed up for beginner Japanese but it was full, that was probably for the best at the time as I was also enrolled in German and Russian.

I'm researching Tokyo right now, it's huge and there's loads to see. It woud be a total adventure and seriously take me out of my comfort zone. It's aslo low season.

If I need familiar I can go to Tokyo Disneyland.

I went on Amazon yesterday and ordered Japanese languange books so I'm not completely lost. I also bought a trave guide so I'll do my research and must decide soon at any rate.

Here's to the new normal.

The WW Salad bowl and the possessed treadmill

I hope all of you had a great Monday.

Mine started with me overcooking my oatmeal in the microwave, it all turned out though.

Today I decided to take the bus to the train station as opposed to walking, it so looked like it was going to rain and I also wanted to time it as this will be my mode of transport when the weather gets colder.

While standing at the bus stop I realized I was super matchy matchy.

Note the jacket, purse and nails are all purple

Because I took the bus this morning I took the stairs to Starbucks.

Paused to admire my favourite thing in my building's lobby. I love this totem pole

I then headed to my new floor to unpack my desk for the second time in two weeks. Check out my new view. 

Today I tried the Weight Watcher Salad Bowl for the first time. 

I like this little space on top of the lid, great for keeping something you don't want to add to your salad until your just about to eat it. 

For me that's cheese, I hate how it gets a little slimey when added at the beginning of the day. 

There's a cooling lid snapped into the top of the lid, I froze it last night so my salad stayed chilled during transport

When you take the lid off this is what greets you the green thing in the middle is the container for your dressing.

Today it was light Peppercorn Ranch, I like how it can be carted separately too.

Lift of the green second lid (where the dressing container locks in) and tada my salad.

I grated carrots and radishes, added green onions, mushroom, chopped roma tomato and romaine hearts and tada. A coworker complimented my salad. I like the bowl though it's pretty big. Thankfully it fit into my lunch bag.

Today I was also going to test out the corporate gym. I packed and repacked into 3 different  gym bags. I have a few Lululemon gym bags that I've collected via gift cards or travelling and needed another bag. However I wound up going with a back pack, just plain easier to schlep.

Then I met the possessed treadmill.

See the touch screen buttons that control speed and grade, well that was awful. It either slowly sped up ticking by .1 by .1, or  little more pressure or longer hold and it jumps by .5 at the time. At one point I was trying to slow down but it sped up instead and it was the first time I actually jumped off the treadmill on the to the sides. I always see them do that on Biggest Loser but I've never been comfortable with it.

I wound up staying at a walk and changing the incline.

I think I'm going to try to do my runs outside now that I'm home. By the time the weather cools off I hope I can have longer run piece in my run/walk.

Dumbo Double Dare is a mere 7 weeks away and today I put the Tinkerbell training plan on my cubicle wall. Which starts 6 days after I come home from Disneyland, no rest for the wicked and as Tinkerbell will roll right into the Glass Slipper Challenge I've got my plan to stay active for winter.

Tomorrow I'm going to dust off a workout DVD as my cross training day. I'm thinking Hip Hop Abs.

Talk to you tomorrow.